is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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