If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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