And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
