I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
