Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
