You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize