so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
