i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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