Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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