I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mom said you looked used
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
