Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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