cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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