halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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