yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
honey bunches of taint.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
