it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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