I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
