I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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