he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
