You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
