but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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