i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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