when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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