He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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