Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
