I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
