He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
