I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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