Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
time to smoke my breakfast
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
