i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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