My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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