genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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