I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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