My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
