I'm passing your future prison.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize