Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
