I'm going to jail i love you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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