she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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