90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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