the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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