i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
