you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
