Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
