Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
