Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
