i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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