I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
