i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this beer tastes like vomit already
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
