Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
