Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
