I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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