If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
