I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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