My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
