Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
