WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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