Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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