Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
