when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
