ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
