wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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