He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
