She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
