Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
