I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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