ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
