If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
