haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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