So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
