I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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