You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize