Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
