Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
