Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
operation harelip BJ is a go
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
