Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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