my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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