We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
