Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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