First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
