I want to make a zoo with you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
