i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
