we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize