remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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