so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
