Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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