So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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