and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
