DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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