thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
