I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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