sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
