wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
