Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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