did you get engaged???
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
