i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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