dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
