this just has baby written all over it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
